Another day, another city. Portland to be exact. I'm sure it eventually becomes tiring sleeping on a bus, traveling from one town to the next, playing music every night...but honestly. Not everyone has the opportunity to travel the country with two busloads of great people and do what they love all the while. I'm loving every minute. After my sound check today I was literally running around the church out of pure excitement. And I assure you there was no caffeine involved.
Now as I sit alone in my dressing room and begin to quiet my heart for what is coming in about an hour, amidst the deep joy and gratitude, excitement and newness of it all, there lies something else. Fear. Not necessarily the kind of fear that Paul referred to in his second letter to Timothy, "a spirit of timidity" and not exactly the fear of man that Proverbs warns us about ("Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe." Prov. 29:25). The kind of fear I'm referring to has little to do with uncertainty regarding the future and everything to do with entrusting my future to the Living God. Proverbs 9:10 sums it up beautifully: "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." Psalm 9 adds, "The fear of the Lord is pure, enduring forever" (v. 9). What does it mean to "fear the Lord?" To walk uprightly before Him, to approach Him reverently but confidently, to be clothed in humility before a Holy God? I want to know. And not just knowledge that exists in my head, but the kind that translates to my heart and overflows into my actions. This is what is required of us, "to act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with our God" (Micah 6:8). So I'm finding that this fear I can't seem to shake is in all actuality a desirable thing. I want to run the race with perseverance, keeping my eyes on the Prize, remaining faithful in large and small things alike so that in the end, when I have testified of God at work in my life and preached the Good News to all who would hear, I would not be disqualified.
Allow me to unpack this just a bit more as it pertains to where the Lord has me at present. Here's some honesty for ya...I just signed a record deal about a month ago, a decision I believe to be ordered of the Lord, but I am scared out of my mind. Not afraid of radio interviews or photoshoots or meet and greets or concerts, not afraid of disappointing my label or managers or audience or even loved ones. Nope, that's not it. My greatest fear in all of this is that I would fail my Lord. After all He is to me, after all He has accomplished in my life, the very last thing I can do is dishonor Him by making all this about me. Because it just plain is not. Everything I have and everything I am is all because of Jesus. Period. Not Jesus and some good training. Not Jesus plus the right connections. Just Jesus. My heart cries out for the supernatural grace to be faithful to my faithful God. And at the end of the day may my lips speak of, my hands reach for, and my soul long for one thing...just Jesus.
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5 comments:
Hey, Meredith! I'm a friend of Mark's, and I just wanted to stop and say hello. I'm looking forward to hearing more of your music, girl (and reading more posts, too)!Take care . . .
Hey Meredith!
It always refreshes my soul to see the steadfast passion for the Lord that abides in you. How awesome the World would be if everyone would work as you do to keep God first. It’s a challenging area for many Christians. Interestingly enough, I have found myself facing that same challenge recently in pursuing a new relationship. I think it’s something that needs our constant attention - The moment when that fear of not putting him first leaves us is the moment we will drop Jesus from his rightful place in our life. The scripture that came to my mind when I read your concern in that second part is Ephesians 2:8-10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
I am excited for you as you walk with the Lord into this new season of your life!
God Bless You.
you're a blessing, meredith. thank you for all the encouragement you have provided our family. we're looking forward to following your journey in the days ahead...
this is sooo encouraging, cause I'm doing singing stuff and sometimes I definitely can lose my focus and this is just a great reminder that it is ony about Jesus and he is the reason for everything! thanks for the encouragement.
loved it. Well done.
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